Smoke
& Mirrors - The View from the Couch
The
question you’ve got to ask yourself is: Do you care
if a talking head smokes pot? If you do – and if there
are lots like you - then Michael Irvin is in deep hemp.
If
you don’t – and I suspect that you are like
most folks out there – it kinda explains a thing or
two about why he sounds the way he does.
The
Hall of Fame announced that it is considering allowing Irvin
admittance to its hallowed halls. The former Dallas Cowboy’s
star and current media maven is making a positive vote difficult
due to this past week.
Maybe
he was celebrating being selected as a semifinalist for
the Pro Football Hall of Fame's Class of 2006, ‘cause
shortly there afterwards, he was arrested on a misdemeanor
charge of possession of drug paraphernalia.
Add
this to the potential Hall of Famer’s resume. In 1996,
Irvin eventually pleaded no contest to felony cocaine possession
after getting caught in a hotel room with drugs and strippers.
He tried denying that one at first, but the evidence was
both overwhelming and, underdressed.
A
few years later he was charged with misdemeanor marijuana
possession after he and a 21-year-old female were busted
in a North Dallas apartment. Charges were later dropped,
but that incident cost him his brand new, (he hadn’t
even started yet), analyst job with Fox.
Now
he’s on ESPN, giving us his vision of the NFL on a
weekly basis. Indications of his being stoned sure would
clear up a few things for me personally. Known for his finger
point-filled rants, those out of context eruptions suddenly
make sense if you consider his mind being partially disconnected
from the reality of his surroundings. I’m just hoping
that’s his excuse.
There’s
corroborating evidence that it could be something else however.
Irvin is claiming the pot pipe wasn’t his, but instead
it belonged to a drug addicted friend of 17 years, and his
only crime he insists is trying to help others.
“I
know the type of demons they have to fight and I am going
to help them, because it’s the only way I can keep
them from getting to my family,” Irvin told the Associated
Press.
“I
have to clean up my friends because they are around my boys.
It’s upsetting.”
Now
anyway. But I’m wondering why, if he didn’t
want his kids exposed to drugs, then how come the old friend
was “around” in the first place?
Well,
that’s because Irvin invited him that’s why.
And in what has got to be the strangest Thanksgiving day
tradition, Irvin frisked him before allowing him entrance
to his house.
Michael
claims that after finding the pipe, (hopefully in not too
nasty a place), he put it in the car so his children wouldn’t
see it. Then, due to a too-much-turkey induced stupor, he
fell asleep before he could dispose of the incriminating
bong.
Unfortunately
he was caught speeding two days later, and after first refusing
to allow his car to be searched, was caught, cuffed and
then had his happy smiling face immortalized in a mug shot.
All
of this happened before his Sunday appearance in ESPN for
their football pre and post-game shows. You may think the
broadcaster is getting kinda liberal with its employees,
but in this case, they didn’t know about the arrest.
Irvin didn’t tell them.
The
network says now it is monitoring the situation. As are
we. Should a drug conviction cost an ex-player the Hall
of Fame. No. You can murder two people and still have a
spot in there. Should a sports broadcaster can a guy for
smoking up on occasion? Having spent a decade in that industry,
I’d suggest no network would want to set that precedent.
They’d have to tie the can to most of their staff
if that was the case.
So
– what’s are we supposed to think about the
well-suited one?
There
are two possibilities here. Either he’s a liar or
he’s not.
If
he’s lying, who cares? Nothing’s changed. He’s
always been a moron.
And
if he's telling the truth then Michael Irvin is still a
complete moron.
Cheers - Gavin
McDougald – AKA Couch
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